Things The Very Materialistic Side of Me Wants, But Which I Do Not Have.

Highlights that never fade

A Camaro

And a Lotus Exige

And a 1987 BMW 325 (fully restored of course)

To be able to spend freely to decorate my home

Substantial savings so we can have a kid

(something tells me those last two might be mutually exclusive)

A beach house

A housekeeper/personal chef

A gorgeously landscaped property with a garden and a fenced in backyard

A personal trainer (in order to become a size 4 again, which would go nicely with those never-fading highlights)

I think this list is long enough now.


I do not want this blog to become a chore...or boring. So I will not be updating goals here anymore. They will be on my calendar, with maybe an occasional "Hey, here's how I'm doing" post. (Hey, here's how I'm doing: better. And that is the goal; to be better each week).

Actual Email From My Mother

My brother's name is (not his real name) John, and he is 35. Also my mom doesn't do cutesy stuff. That is really all you need to know to find the following email hilarious. (Emphasis mine).

apparently we have too many erasures on our crct and are under suspicion. who knows what they're going to do, but let's get real. we have an abundance of eraser addicts. some of the kids i serve will erase 4-5 times and keep putting the same answer each time or they'll erase the right answer and put the wrong one. i just want to scream. it's not like our scores are burning up the woods great. [a co-worker] thinks it's a witch hunt by the state. whatever it is it's ruining all our lives. tune in tomorrow for the latest installment. we are supposed to get 1-3 in. of snow starting tomorrow about 9:00. i hope we don't get stranded at school. that is my worst nightmare. they've cancelled the daddy-daughter dance for tomorrow nite here. john i got us tickets for the mother -son dance at the [town they live in] center field complex. i forgot to tell you. i'll pick you up at 6 fri nite. i'm going to get my hair done in the a.m. wear a tux.

Wow

Maggie's post about her plane ride was interesting. And scary. And enlightening. From now on I will have a scarf with me on a plane. And when I have kids, a Sharpie. For this:

"On a side note, when we were kids, my father would travel with a Sharpie so he could write on us if something ever happened. Like being separated, he would write our names on our left palms before we got on a plane."

(From one of the comments on that post).

The List

I made a list of fun stuff/projects I want to do now that I'm out of school. Some of them will have to wait a while due to lack of space, funds, or time...but some of them I'm doing now:

-cook (I'm thinking of trying one new recipe every...however often. Maybe once a month?)
-learn to paint artistically, or at least attempt it
-crochet a sweater that I love
-learn to sew
-learn to quilt
-learn to knit
-practice drawing
-drive (when I was younger every now and then I'd just DRIVE for a couple hours. It helped my mental state, and I think it still would).
-decorate my house little by little
-begin yoga again
-learn calligraphy
-make a dog bed
-begin meal planning weekly
-learn to felt wool
-get massages twice a year
-take some cooking classes (we start these tonight! yay!)
-puppy classes (we start these tonight! yay!)
-belly dancing classes (I start these on Feb 1st).
-read "The Lovely Bones"
-learn more car stuff
install new (only a little louder) exhaust
-begin to meditate
-get more adrenaline
skydive again
hang glide
zip lines
-be an SCCA member this year
-go to at least 4 autocrosses
-get rid of any underwear I'd be embarrassed to be wearing in the hospital (ALMOST got this done)
-take a month long road trip or two (east coast or west coast or both)
-see all of Frank Lloyd Wright's homes/structures
-Robie House
-Unity Temple
-His house in Oak Park
-Florence, AL
-Taliesin
-Taliesin II
-Falling Water
-California ones
-buy a Beamie and restore it (1987 325 stick shift with manual crank sunroof and straight-six engine)
-grow a garden (we should be doing this this year, at least a "square-foot" garden).
-see the redwoods
-and badwater
-waterski (slalom or not), maybe learn how to barefoot like my granddad
-visit every state
-visit Germany, Italy, Istanbul, Japan (Tokyo), South America, Wales, Spain, France, Netherlands, Sweden, Denmark, Bora Bora, Transylvania, Romania
-become capable of ironing a shirt in less than 10 minutes (right now it takes me like 20--and that is SAD).


I plan to keep adding to this list over time, and crossing things off it too. Hopefully. :)

Stoopid Question

Subaru sends me surveys from time to time. One of the questions on the most recent one:

If we could go back and magically remove the All-Wheel-Drive component from your current Subaru and replace it with Front-Wheel-Drive - (additionally you would receive $1,500 cash and your vehicle would get a +2 MPG increase) - would you be happy?

No, I would want my AWD back immediately

Possibly – I would drive it a little and then make a decision

Yes, I would be happy to make this switch from FWD with slightly better MPG and some extra money back


OHMIGOD people are you serious?!? Would ANYONE with a WRX in their right MIND take a paltry $1500 and additional two (TWO. Not five or ten or twelve, but TWO) mpg for the loss of all that makes a WRX what it is--fun to drive, capable of driving in snow or turning corners at 30 mph, among other things??

I reamed them later in the commentable sections of the survey, after choosing the obvious answer to this particular question. Personally, I think they have die-hard fans right now. And if they get rid of AWD standard on all vehicles, they are taking a gamble--that their cars will become more mainstream. BUT. With that, they are also risking losing their die-hard fans, who see Subaru as different, independent, and a ridiculously great value for the money--but probably won't if they have to pay extra for their AWD.

I guess, to me, it's tantamount to a sellout move, and that makes me nauseous. Why can't you be happy with your extremely dedicated following instead of resorting to watering down your brand image/changing it entirely in a bid to gain market share? Maybe they won't. Fingers crossed.

Other Blog

Also, check out my new-ish blog:

www.engineerwoman.blogspot.com

The Squarrel is Angry

What the $%*& is this???

SQUIRREL MEAT??

"...Just add some water to our (exclusive) dehydrated squirrel, let it sit overnight and, next day, sit down to a delicious, non-gamy rehydrated squirrel.

These little beauties are raised on a certified organic farm in Tennessee, are carefully eviscerated and skinned (choose from bone-in, the more expensive bone-out, or from the deluxe squirrel filet) and they're certified rabies-free by the FDA. (Since this is such a new product, FDA inspectors are onsite constantly and they inspect the meat much more closely than beef or pork.) Each carcass is inspected twice by line workers to be sure it is hair-free."

I seriously thought it was a joke. But it's not. I mean, people in my family have eaten squirrel before, and I've made peace with the fact that other people do eat it and enjoy it. But oh...my...lord. Dehydrated squirrel carcasses? If I ever came upon one of these I think it would make me cry.

giddy

and married! hee hee.

sunday (august 10) night, caleb got a text from his best friend's girlfriend. it asked if we wanted to elope with them the next weekend. he relayed the message. i laughed, thought for a minute, and said, SURE!

he was (naturally) a bit taken aback, as i'd been discussing having an actual wedding and we'd pretty much decided it'd be next fall. i explained that after attending one of my bff's weddings, i had NO interest in going through that much stress for just one day that i'd be stressed out and probably grouchy (due to not eating) for.

he kept asking me if i was SURE. i think he didn't want me to feel like i was giving up my dream wedding. i reassured him, and got super excited. then (within hours) his best friend called to say they were backing out (friend was upset over losing the opportunity to propose and have it be a surprise). we, however, had already concluded that we were IN. no matter who came or whatever. in retrospect, it was one of the best decisions i've ever made. no stress.

monday afternoon, i booked the hotel on tybee island. it was a cute little b & b near the beach (maybe a block or two away).

monday night, my best friend and i went shopping for a dress. EIGHT STORES later, we finally found one--at Dillard's of all places. it was 8:45; we couldn't have timed it better. also monday, caleb ordered the ring (that i still hadn't seen).

thursday evening, we were on the way to tybee. we called family then (only because both our moms had SPECIFICALLY said, we don't care HOW you get married, but we'd at least like to know about it...i'm the baby, and i think at one point caleb's mom thought she'd never see him married, or at least not to me. lol.)

the uproar grew, but people quit their grumbling and either made plans to come, or didn't.

friday morning: to chatham county courthouse for marriage license. then to florist for flowers (just mine and his). then nail place for manicure/pedicure (gotta make my fingers look worthy of that beautiful ring!). then food, parking was a nightmare in savannah friday, finally found some, ate. then back to hotel for nap.

people all arrived friday afternoon/evening. we ate dinner at the crab shack friday night. (though due to other stresses, which i'll discuss in a minute, i was unable to eat more than a bowl of crab stew).

caleb and i ran to wally world friday night to get plastic cups, silverware, and paper plates and napkins for the "reception" the next morning. (we had gotten a tiny, cute cake). we also got OJ and champagne and apple juice. yes, weird, i know. there were kids. they needed apple juice. and mimosas taste good! we arrived at 10:40 and were done by 10:50. which was good since it closed at 11.

saturday morning, i got up at 4:40 am to get ready (i had to make sure my hair was already DRY for the ceremony and pictures so it wouldn't frizz up or look like a wet dog). got ready, got dressed, left at 6:21 for ceremony at 6:40. met the officiant and photographer, signed paperwork, paid the wedding company people. the rest of the group arrived and we all trooped out onto the (beautiful, not too hot, sunrisey) beach to begin the ceremony.

(at this point, it got to feeling a little surreal. was this really ME? was i really this lucky? i'm not dreaming, am i? *pinches self* nope. not dreaming. AWESOME).

we do the ceremony, repeating the words in turn, faces threatening to break from smiling so much. it feels RIGHT. more right than anything i've ever done. and also wonderful. i can't believe i'm here. i'm the luckiest woman alive.

we are done, and we kiss. then he announces us (i am mrs. caleb stephens?! rock on!!!), and we turn, surprised to find there are other people there.

then we go take an assload of pictures and our faces hurt from smiling but we're not forcing the smiles cause we're so freaking happy.

then we go to the "reception" on the rooftop deck and eat cake and drink mimosas for breakfast. hang out, talk with everyone, then people begin leaving.

later that day, breakfast (real food this time), nap, dinner with mom and his mom and stepdad (my dad had to go back to work so he was an early leaver).

all in all, it was a wonderful, perfect, beautiful weekend. happy sigh. i keep looking down at my ring to make sure it was all real, i feel THAT lucky.

so yeah. eloping is great! three emails and a phone call and we had a ceremony and a room all booked...AMAZINGLY EASY.


.....except for one minor (major?) snag.

when my mom, daddy, and grandmother arrived friday evening, they couldn't drive to their hotel (hyatt in downtown savannah on river street). they discovered there had been a taylor swyft (sp?) concert and so streets were blocked for traffic. so they parked and walked to check into the hotel. at which point they discovered a) there had been some kind of underground explosion directly under the hyatt (i think it was a transformer), so b) the official people had turned off the power to the hyatt to check stuff out, and c) the hyatt wasn't offering refunds or letting people cancel. keep in mind my brother, the argumentative, irascible lawyer with two kids under the age of 5, is on his way TO THAT HOTEL. it promised to be very, very ugly. meanwhile, mom, daddy, and mama dean are eating with us at the crab shack...which is why i couldn't eat well (my mom is very, very good at RADIATING stress when she's stressed, which she was very, more so than was necessary).

so we get done eating and all split up to go to our respective hotels (and i'm cringing because i KNOW what david's anger will look like after he's been in the car with a < two-year-old who whines while in the car, no matter how long. especially since he spent the better part of an hour LOST because he and my mom didn't communicate very well about alternate directions due to road blockoffs).

in the morning i discovered that sometime before david arrived at the hyatt, the hyatt people had reconsidered their stance on refunds/cancellations and agreed to refund everyone and cancel for no charge (when it became apparent they wouldn't have power anytime soon). so my family found another hotel. thank goodness. :)

all's well that ends well, i guess.

oh my lord

i knew michael jackson's nose was bad, but now it's HIDEOUS. much, much worse than i remembered.

hmm

i always thought julia child was hiding something...

tall tale

so i was assigned to write a tall tale in seventh grade...and had forgotten all about it till i came across it just now:

"H.D."

One day, as I was sitting in my room, I heard the strangest, most nerve-wracking noise I had ever heard. I peeked out my door. The hair began to rise on the back of my neck. Goosebumps covered my body. There, at the top of the stairs, its body glowing in the dark gloomy shadows, rose the Huge...Deranged...Slinky.

I tried to flatten myself against the wall, mortified of its horrid intentions, praying that it hadn't caught a glimpse of my flattened form. As I listened closely, I could hear metallic whirring of the slinky's cold, steel spirals as it began its terrorizing descent. Slowly it came, inch by inch, carpet strand by carpet strand, dodging the dust bunnies along its crooked path.

I had just enough time to snatch my arctic-proof, thermal insulated, fire-proof Barbie sleeping bag. The slinky took one look at the life-sized fake smile and began writhing in pain. Then it began gagging and retching and suddenly, to my great surprise, it spontaneously combusted, leaving only a puff of smoke and a few sparks.

My only proof of the Huge Deranged Slinky's existence are the few singed fibers left in the carpet of the third step.





my teacher (my QUEST teacher, of all teachers--QUEST was the smart kid program) didn't like it all that much, but even now i laughed out loud reading it. i'll admit i'm strange, and writing this in seventh grade was probably stranger still. but damn, son, that was funny.

yes. i am insane. but you laughed, didn't you?

twitterlicious and stuff

so, i got twitter. i'm not really sure why, but maybe i'll be important someday and people will follow me! ha.

going down to savannah this weekend with my mom and sister. i plan to see how much wine i can get my (MORMON) sister to consume...but hopefully not fracture her hand smashing a palmetto bug this year. (and, just in case you wondered, the correct pronunciation of palmetto bug is: pal-METTUH buuug. just draw out the "uh" sound in bug to sound more correct).

so, have i ever told y'all about the words i make up? no? okay.

ruckified: of or having to do with a ruckus.

ruckification: the process by which a thing becomes ruckified.

then, there are the words i didn't necessarily make up, but use a lot.

shit ton. so what if it's two words? it means a LOT of something, an assload, whatever. i.e., "i sure do love you a SHEEUT-TUHN, baby."

oh! hey! i might actually close on my house this month! (MAYBE)...the house that started the whole short sale process a couple weeks before mine got approved on thursday, so i'm hoping mine will be approved in the next two weeks....cross your fingers, y'all!

um, also? my ankle hurts and i don't know why.

and, a little note to SOME PEOPLE. who will never read this anyway:

when you think you're god's gift to engineering, and i'm just a stupid STUDENT and GIRL, i'm looking at you, feeling sorry for you because you aren't capable of actually listening to anything i have to say to know if i'm smart or stupid. SHUT UP and LISTEN and maybe, just maybe, you'd realize some things. harrumph.

little "B" song

-----------

i got a B
B, B, B, B, BEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

in my scary class, oh yes,
it's a B
no warning for MEEEEEEEEEEE!

B, B, B, B, B, BBB-BUH-B

and,

i'm going to chop off my hair
this weekennnnnnnnnnnnd

----------

the end

part rant, part random

i just want to move into my house.

work is killing me (i'm eating lunch right now).

school is also killing me: hw due friday that we just got yesterday, term paper due tuesday that i haven't started because i was catching up on homework during spring break last week, homework due next friday that will take FOREVER and is ridiculous, and i REALLY DISLIKE ONE OF MY CLASSES. and i have a project in that class that we HAVEN'T BEEN ASSIGNED YET and we only have 4 weeks of class left in the semester...

and i'm in the process of buying a house...what timing, huh. and i'll have to move april 18th/19th (i think).

yay stress.

however, i am EXTREMELY excited about the things i will have or no longer have to put up with in the place i currently call home:
-no more smell of cigarette smoke wafting in from other apartments at EIGHT AM. and five pm. and 11 pm. and, and, and, well you get the point.
-DISHWASHER
-LAUNDRY CAPABILITIES without having to pay, do a bleach load first, or get weird spots on my clothing from shared dryers.
-a real kitchen
-a real bathroom
-more than one room
-NO CARPET
-space to put stuff
-places for guests to park
-no loud music at 11 pm on a weeknight when i'm doing homework or sleeping.
-AIR CONDITIONING AND HEAT. WITH A FUCKING THERMOSTAT.
-the ability to paint if i wanted to

ok, done and have to get back to work.

Uncle Posie

i dreamed about uncle posie last night. i wonder if he was trying to tell me something?

could be because i've been meaning to write about him for a while...

maybe he'll show up again tonight. :)

hee hee

Enter the ICHC online Poker Cats Contest!




Enter the ICHC online Poker Cats Contest!




Enter the ICHC online Poker Cats Contest!

SPRING FEVER

is in full force. i listened to dixie chicks tonight on the way home from dinner with mama and daddy with my sunroof open and while singing loudly. WEATHER LIKE THIS MAKES ME A LITTLE CRAZY (in a good way) AND ALSO MAKES ME WANT TO TAKE A ROAD TRIP. right now. RIGHT NOW. i'm just sayin.

if i did, i'd go to galveston. and if i got there before sunrise i'd watch the sunrise over the ocean and then go swimming before crashing. and sing that gin blossoms song that says something about galveston.

but for now, the dixie chicks song i've been singing:

It was about five 'til five on Friday
We were all getting ready to go
And the boss man started screaming
and his veins began to show
He said you and you come with me
'cause you're gonna have to stay
My heart was thumping I was jumping
I had to get away

Some days you gotta dance
Live it up when you get the chance
'Cause when the world doesn't make no sense
And you're feeling just a little too tense
Gotta loosen up those chains and dance

Well I was talking with my baby
over a small glass of tea
He asked the loaded question
He said how do you feel about me
My mind was racin' I was pacin'
but the words just wouldn't come
And there was only one thing
left to do I feel it comin' on

Some days you gotta dance
Live it up when you get the chance
'Cause when the world doesn't make no sense
And you're feeling just a little too tense
Gotta loosen up those chains and dance a ha

Some days you gotta dance
Live it up when you get the chance
'Cause when the world doesn't make no sense
And you're feeling just a little too tense
Gotta loosen up those chains and dance

You gotta loosen up those chains and dance
Come on and loosen up those chains and dance

random stuff

my favorite jeans are dead. they lasted almost four years though, and i wore them at least once a week, if not two or three times. so i would say they were totally worth the 50 or 60 bucks i paid for them, and i will never again complain about how expensive my favorite kind of jeans are, because they are the ONLY ones i've worn consistently since i found them.

frisbee and hiking are super fun--and i am super out of shape. i'm walking around like an arthritic 80 year old woman right now. today is the second day, though, so this is probably the worst.

my life is sorta steamrolling me right now. i realized i've come to the point where i either have to just suck it up and not procrastinate on schoolwork anymore, or give up. which, as we all know, is NOT an option because i'm too damned stubborn. so i will be working on my homework that is due friday TONIGHT instead of waiting till thursday at midnight, or worse, friday morning. also, i waste too much time on the internet. (and no, i do not have any work on my desk right now AGAIN, which sucks, so i am allowing myself to play online today, but i have to start doing homework after lunch if i still don't have work).

also, i need to get more sleep during the week. lately i've been staying up till 1 and 2 am on a weeknight and it's killing me. i caught up on sleep last night though; it was WONDERFUL. and i'm still allowing myself to stay up as late as i want on weekends. ;)

this month's goals:
1) to reach $1,000.00 in my baby emergency fund. this will happen automatically through direct deposit from my paycheck and automatic weekly transfers from my checking account. i am mucho excited.

2) use the "extra" paycheck i'll get this month (i get paid three times this month instead of the usual two because of the biweekly schedule) to pay off my tires, get new brake pads, fix my alignment, and pay down my remaining credit card debt.

3) exercise in some form at least 2x per week, whether it's a drop-in class or fun stuff on weekends.

4) eat more veggies. i love them and miss them. lol. also, cook more, because it's a lot easier to eat veggies when i cook them, since most restaurant meals are meat and potatoes based. (though i do love me some meat and potatoes. i'll get that at trivia so i don't feel deprived).

5) eat out less. i know i should quantify but if i quantify too much and then go over, i'll feel like i failed.

6) not let my apartment get so cluttered that it drives me nuts to be there. (unfortunately, it's already like that RIGHT NOW, but i'm scheduling cleaning time for tonight).

7) not leave dishes in the sink for more than 48 hours. I NEED A DISHWASHER at the next place i inhabit. sigh.

8) no internet/TV/snacking in bed. lately, because my apartment is all one room, i sit on my bed for pretty much everything and i think it's affecting me when i actually try to sleep there. so the couch is going to be my new best friend.

ok. i think that's enough for one month.

career fair in auburn tomorrow evening. should be interesting...

got on digg

and now i must compile all my personal favorite "crazy laws", along with the thoughts that immediately sprang into my head after reading these laws:

-alabama: it is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church. ("sometime in the past..." thoughts, anyone?)

-still alabama: no persons may sell "blow-out nuts".
(HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...just the term makes me laugh lol).

-and one final alabama: you may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
(yum. cold, sticky ASS.)

-alaska: it is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
(assuming somehow you convinced a moose to board an airplane in the first place?)

-arizona: it is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.
(they must not have waffle houses)

-arizona again: maricopa county: no more than six girls may live in any house.

-another arizona: you may not have more than two dildos in a house.
(hmm...so if there are six girls in the house in maricopa county and they're all heterosexual and single at the moment, and presumably horny, does this mean they have to share the two allowed dildos?)

arkansas: little rock: no person shall sound the horn on a vehicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9:00.
(wait, i know this! this is like when you're on your cell phone, but in order for the call to not get dropped, you have to hang from your left big toe on the fire sprinkler system two inches from the wall closest to the window! what...?
or maybe it's because if that precise combination of events is put into place, you will turn into the girl from the exorcist and your head will begin spinning in a full circle).

california: a regulation in San Francisco makes it unlawful to use used underwear to wipe off cars in a car wash.
(conversation:
wife: "omg! honey! what's that stuff on our windshield?? didn't you take the car to the car wash?"
hubby: "yeah, but ever since they dropped that law off the books, i keep coming home with jizz from the used-underwear drying job. *sighs* and it's right in my left eye-hole on the windshield, too." and yes, the very word "jizz" makes me laugh uncontrollably.)

california again: it is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
(redneck to farm hands: "dayumn, boys, if we woanta git these here sheep out to tha paisture we goan hafta break 'em inta two groups...*rubs head thoughtfully*...you reckon we could git some of 'em to ride piggyback? we ain't got time for theeyus!" say it out loud, you'll get it)

yet another california: in riverside, kissing on the lips, unless both parties wipe their lips with carbonized rose water, is against the local health ordinance.
(ok, wtf IS carbonized rose water?)



ok now i'm tired of this activity. but if you go to the linked site (www.crazylaws.com) where all the laws come from, you can read some more.

also? i'm sorry that y'all had to read the inner workings of my brain...i hope they were at least marginally funny. sigh.

my dream car(s)

this car is awesome. two of my favorite things!

also, this one would be really helpful on friday afternoons...