Mimi

"And I realized why old people talk to checkout girls for so long. It's because they haven't spoken to anyone else all day."

(from Boo)

And it makes me sad for my grandmother, Mimi. She was widowed in her thirties with four young children, and she never remarried. I think she would have, once, but one of her daughters made a snide comment (and this was LONG after her husband had died) about how they didn't think she should remarry--so she DIDN'T. However grumpy she sometimes was, however much she really didn't like kids in her old age, I can't help but wish I'd been more thoughtful. We used to make fun of the fact that she talked. Incessantly. To anyone and everyone who would listen. She always told cashiers that my mom was valedictorian back in 1970 (and later when my cousin and I were too she'd add that in), she always talked about how "you're looking at three generations!" when she, my mom, and I would go places together--and we (me, my sister, and our cousin) always used to roll our eyes and get embarrassed that she was with us. She'd tell anyone that she raised four kids alone and they turned out fine...but she never talked about the emotional toll that had to have taken on her.

Now, though, I can see why she'd be that way...she'd been widowed for 40 years and lived alone. Mimi had no one to talk to, even if she did stuff with us once or twice a week--can you imagine only talking one day a week? Life had to have meant more to her than us--hence three generations was something to be grateful for, since she never got to live out her golden years with the love of her life. And no wonder it sometimes seemed that she was boastful of raising four kids alone--she was forced to do exactly that during a time when most women didn't even work, much less worry about being a single mom and putting food on the table. (I hope, but don't know, that my granddad had life insurance. She did get military benefits though, thank heavens).

My granddad was a nose gunner at 19 years old in WWII, and because of that his heart was enlarged and he began to have heart problems shortly after coming back. He lived a while in a state of bad health, and died when my mom was just 15. (Mom was only the second of four, too). Mimi never talked about resenting the military for the long years of his bad health and drinking because of being depressed about his health, but I have to think that in that situation I'd have blamed them endlessly AND been a lot more bitter about it than she.

The older I get, the more respect I have for this side of my grandmother that I never knew. I wish I had stopped long enough to consider it while she was living; I think she would have talked to me about it if I'd asked. Too often, we assume people don't want to talk about things that might be painful...but I think she would have been pleased that I wanted to know.

If I had a copy of it, I'd leave off with my favorite picture of her--she's 14, and she and my granddad are on some kind of youth church trip, and they are gripping hands, two skinny kids in the snow, in their bathing suits, looking absolutely FREEZING, and grinning like idiots. I wonder if they were on the way to a hot tub? Whenever I get sad that she's gone, I picture that, and I know that if there is a God, if heaven exists, that's where she is right now. Fourteen, with Jimmy, in their swimsuits in the snow being idiotic teenagers, their life before them. No war, no health problems, just them, making up for the last fifty or so years.

Goals / January project

So, now that goals have been stated, my plan is to do a little blog each Monday to check in with myself.

For last week, Jan 4-10:
Overstuffed: Twice, Wednesday lunch (but I ate very little dinner to make up for it) and Saturday dinner for the work holiday party.

Spending: Was God-awful. I had a wake-up call in the form of an NSF fee and a trip to the bank this morning to deposit from savings.

Socially balanced? Decent...Mom and Daddy came up Wednesday for dinner, we went to a friend's house Friday night for dinner, Saturday was the holiday party for my work, and Sunday my mom, daddy, sister-in-law and my two nieces came over for lunch. It was maybe a little too busy, but it was extremely nice that people came to us, and it made it feel much less busy for that.

Self care? Could have been better--no exercise. However, I did take an extra long shower Saturday and used sugar scrub on elbows/knees/feet, shaved, and I painted my fingernails too, which hasn't happened in AGES. So, pretty much better than anytime in 2009. :)

Our monthly project is to get the house properly ventilated, and finish the unfinished projects that have been sitting there for three months (shelving in bath, office walls fixed). Caleb and a buddy of ours finished installing the attic ventilation fan today, so we are making progress!!

Next week: (which is really this week, now) I have a mini-project to weed out my closet.

Today is skirts.
Tuesday, pants.
Wednesday, dresses.
Thursday, suits and shoes.
Friday, shirts.

The following week (18-22) will be....DRAWERS.
Monday: top drawer/undies
Tuesday: middle drawer
Wednesday: bottom drawer
Thursday: socks, sweaters
Friday: bras, swimsuits, exercise clothes (these are in mini-drawers in my closet)

2010

2009 wasn't AWFUL...but it wasn't amazing either. I continued to suck on the spending too much front, our house had wet walls and some mold.

I did, however, graduate with my master's, which STILL feels wonderful. Especially since one of my co-workers is starting school this week and I DON'T HAVE TO. :)

So, 2009. It was what it was, and I probably won't miss it that much. Here's to 2010, and a year of golden opportunities. I have a lot of hopes, let's not say resolutions...I always fail miserably at those.

I'd like to become more self-aware, and use this to begin taking better care of myself. To be able to tell someone "No" for a social engagement if Caleb and I are just done. To be able to make myself a priority instead of school and other people first. To attempt to begin liking my body and caring for it rather than beating myself up about not exercising. Quantifiable goals: "check in" with myself weekly and see how the week went from a self-care perspective. Feel overstuffed after eating no more than once a week.

I'd like to be more adult about my spending decisions. My inner child wants everything and wants it now--but that is leading to no net change in my amount of debt or savings. I'd like the debt to go down and the savings to go UP. Plus, it's NEVER worth the stress when I indulge my inner child. Quantifiable goal: pay off $1000 in debt this year ($83.33 per month)

I'd like to slow down. We were gone for more than half our weekends last year, and that really sapped both of us of energy and happiness. We do love our families, and love seeing them, but cannot (and will not, this year) allow family time to be the detriment of "us" or alone time. Quantifiable goal: Be at home at least 2.5 weekends per month.

I'd like to pare down. I have way too many clothes still, even though I have fewer than I did last year. I want to keep things I love and that flatter me, and decide whether to store "skinny" clothes for an eventual future, or freecycle everything. Quantifiable goal: Have drawers no more than 2/3 full after I am done, have at least 1 inch of room for each hanger that I keep. (This might be preposterous)...

I'd like to make more effort to make our house feel like OURS--without spending more than $30 per month (about the cost of a gallon of paint). Quantifiable goal: One minor home improvement/decorating project per month.

I think that is enough. Now, to figure out how to TRACK the goals, lest they become buried in my blogroll and I forget.

Here's to hope for 2010 to rock my face off.

The End

Here is a picture of the first line the last section of my graduate school evaluation:

....and it felt so good.

Stoopid Question

Subaru sends me surveys from time to time. One of the questions on the most recent one:

If we could go back and magically remove the All-Wheel-Drive component from your current Subaru and replace it with Front-Wheel-Drive - (additionally you would receive $1,500 cash and your vehicle would get a +2 MPG increase) - would you be happy?

No, I would want my AWD back immediately

Possibly – I would drive it a little and then make a decision

Yes, I would be happy to make this switch from FWD with slightly better MPG and some extra money back


OHMIGOD people are you serious?!? Would ANYONE with a WRX in their right MIND take a paltry $1500 and additional two (TWO. Not five or ten or twelve, but TWO) mpg for the loss of all that makes a WRX what it is--fun to drive, capable of driving in snow or turning corners at 30 mph, among other things??

I reamed them later in the commentable sections of the survey, after choosing the obvious answer to this particular question. Personally, I think they have die-hard fans right now. And if they get rid of AWD standard on all vehicles, they are taking a gamble--that their cars will become more mainstream. BUT. With that, they are also risking losing their die-hard fans, who see Subaru as different, independent, and a ridiculously great value for the money--but probably won't if they have to pay extra for their AWD.

I guess, to me, it's tantamount to a sellout move, and that makes me nauseous. Why can't you be happy with your extremely dedicated following instead of resorting to watering down your brand image/changing it entirely in a bid to gain market share? Maybe they won't. Fingers crossed.

Why higher education is going to hell in a handbasket...

Tuition USED TO BE 867.00, including all fees and such, for one class (which in and of itself is ridiculous)...but now, NOW, it is....wait for it....



1136.00


for one stinking 3 hour class. Fuck that. I am so glad I'll be done in December.

Hideously Charming

Everyone should have a squirrel lamp:

squirrel lamp



You could terrorize small children by turning it on suddenly in the middle of the night!

The author of this site does NOT condone terrorizing small children.

Rut

I'm in a food rut. I need to find new (moderately priced) restaurants and try them instead of going to the same places all the time.

Ideas? I'm in Atlanta and will eat pretty much anything except olives and Taco Bell.

Other Blog

Also, check out my new-ish blog:

www.engineerwoman.blogspot.com

The Squarrel is Angry

What the $%*& is this???

SQUIRREL MEAT??

"...Just add some water to our (exclusive) dehydrated squirrel, let it sit overnight and, next day, sit down to a delicious, non-gamy rehydrated squirrel.

These little beauties are raised on a certified organic farm in Tennessee, are carefully eviscerated and skinned (choose from bone-in, the more expensive bone-out, or from the deluxe squirrel filet) and they're certified rabies-free by the FDA. (Since this is such a new product, FDA inspectors are onsite constantly and they inspect the meat much more closely than beef or pork.) Each carcass is inspected twice by line workers to be sure it is hair-free."

I seriously thought it was a joke. But it's not. I mean, people in my family have eaten squirrel before, and I've made peace with the fact that other people do eat it and enjoy it. But oh...my...lord. Dehydrated squirrel carcasses? If I ever came upon one of these I think it would make me cry.