Wednesday, January 23, 2008

more for the lists:

slow day at work today. i finished everything on my desk and am waiting for more. so i figured i'd post in the lull.

things i hate:

the word "artfully"

when the pattern and extent of baldness makes a person look 15 years older than they actually are, and they already cut their hair to less than a quarter inch, but they won't actually SHAVE it off. just do it. it'll make you look ten years younger, i promise! (NOTE: THIS IS NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE WHO READS MY BLOG. IF YOU THINK IT IS, IT'S NOT. YOU AREN'T THAT BALD YET).

when men wear white button-down shirts that are thin with no t-shirt or wifebeater underneath.

mornings, unless it's after 9 am.

drivers who get all up in my shit or otherwise try to damage my person or my car (which is, by extension, my person). G.T.F.A.
and, to all the hypocritical jesus-fish people, jesus wants you to drive faster and NOT CUT PEOPLE OFF AND THEN GO SLOW.


scratchy eyeballs/morning headaches.

my constantly runny nose.

shoes/socks. toes were meant to be FREE!

potholes that fuck up my alignment. and those damned metal plate things that "they" use to cover up GIANT holes in the road, but that always feel like they broke an axle no matter how slow you go over them. and the accompanying tar/rocks. "they" suck.

fake people. if you don't ACTUALLY like me, GTFA and stop pretending, because i can see straight through that shit and it tends to make me want to be even more of a sarcastic ass than usual just to see how you'll react.

liars. i absolutely cannot stand to be lied to. in that regard, i am definitely my father's child.

junk mail/catalogs. if i wanted to buy crap from you, i'd seek it out online. GTFA.

flyers on my car in the morning when i'm leaving for work and it was parked in my LOCKED, INACCESSIBLE apartment's parking garage. that means a) you (the person on the flyer) or someone close to you live in the same building i do and b) i dislike you already and if i ever meet you, will tell you so vehemently along with telling you that i don't wan't to be solicited to EVER. ESPECIALLY AT MY OWN HOME. also? i feel violated when you touch my car. don't do it. double also? I DON'T NEED A USED CAR, AND I DON'T HAVE SHITTY CREDIT. (that was the subject of the flyer). can't you tell that by the beautiful, UNREPOSESSEDNESS that is my car?? DUH.

my 'fro--excuse me, hair--in the morning.

itchy shirts. i accidentally wore one today.

pants that's belt loops are too ridiculously small to put an actual belt in. dude, if you had plumber's crack issues like i do, you'd understand.

illogicalness. (yes, even--especially?--when i do it).

cops with chips on their shoulders.


paper cuts.

highliters with frayed or mooshy tips that lean/squish to one side when you're trying to use them, or mark in a completely different place than what you intended. more structural integrity, please!

the thought of people killing a baby monkey just to eat its brain. and then not liking it.

things i absolutely ADORE:

sexy cars.

good food.

good music.

SNUGGLING. seriously. the feeling i get from snuggling is pure joy/bliss/high. it makes everything a little brighter, it makes me smile, it makes me sigh with relief (from what, i'm not sure).

nice looking hands/feet/eyes. yes, i'm weird.

cute, non-painful shoes--but they're REALLY difficult to find and i tire of shopping easily.

massages. deep-tissue ones. don't be a wimp. put some force in it; my knots are large, dense and plentiful around my shoulder blades. pissy ass massages just piss me off.

people playing with my hair.

people playing with my TOES. this is in a totally non-sexual way. i just really like it when people play with my toes.


scream-singing (but only if the other person/people in the car are participating) with the sunroof open on road trips.

trying new food.

skydiving. i think i'm addicted, and i've only done it once.


cats and dogs and kids (yes, this is totally different from the above items).

hugs. (but NOT your average quickie friend hug. actual HUGS).



sleep: long, unencumbered, no-limit SLEEP.


a good steak and a glass of red wine.

my kitties. they rock.


good smells: wood burning, cooking, tommy hilfiger cologne, cut grass, south georgia, tires, leather, new shoes, new car, baby-smell, bleach, chlorine from indoor pools, narnia's feet--seriously. they don't smell feet-y. maybe that's cause she's a cat?

long, wandering conversation ("deep" stuff)

adrenaline rushes.

long, hot showers.


comfortable silences.

pens. the right pen is worth its weight in gold--or white chocolate.

white chocolate.

creme brulee.

really smart people who are also nice.

good coffee.

games with my family: taboo, mad gab, cranium, trivial pursuit, huggermugger, rook.

sweet tea.



Sally Parrott Ashbrook said...

Good list--its just so ... so ... artfully written.

I plan to get some pure, unadulterated, interrupted sleep tonight. Oh, except that cold that keeps me from breathing--that might mess that up a bit.

Amanda said...

aaaaaaaaaaa! artfully! aaaaaaaaaa!