Thursday, November 29, 2007

nasal cavities and procrastination

i think i'm sick AGAIN. my nose is stuffy and my throat feels like hell. debating whether to go get the antibiotics and take some.

i'm SUPPOSED to be studying right now; my last test is tomorrow. i have been studying for a couple hours. it's hard to concentrate when you can't breathe. :(

anyway. in other news, i'm ok. finally. maybe things could have turned out differently, maybe not...but either way, the timing was just not right. i think i'm almost ready to be friends again, if that is still an option.

in still more news, i sort of fell off the financial bandwagon i previously put myself on. not badly, but i got christmas presents (which i actually did really well on, i'm proud of myself) AND while i was out getting them decided to get $60 worth of stuff for me. totally NOT OK. and i accidentally spent $45 on iTunes. and while the YMOYL philosophy is no shame, no blame, i don't think they're necessarily referring to purchases AFTER you're aware of where your money goes.
BUT i filled out the paperwork for tuition reimbursement from work today. but the bad news is i think they only reimburse 50% even though i thought i heard that they fully reimbursed when i interviewed. oh well. every little bit helps, i'm just glad they do anything at all.

speaking of which, so far i LOVE my new job. it took me 18 minutes to get there the first day, 20 the second, 30 yesterday (i left late so it's my own fault) and 15 today. going home is bad, though, with times of 30 min, an hour, 1:05, and 45 minutes, respectively. i think if i just either leave by 4 or after 6 it won't be that bad. or eat with someone near perimeter after i get off work. mom hinted she might want to meet me up there sometimes...i hope she does. more reasons i love my job: the people are DIVERSE! and even different ages! when i walked in my first morning, my computer was ALREADY SET UP and i had OFFICE SUPPLIES and a chair. and they brew starbucks coffee in their coffeemaker. and there are restaurants, many thousands of restaurants, nearby. and there's autocad 2007. and monthly breakfasts, and the occasional afternoon social gathering...

don't get me wrong, there are things this job doesn't have that my old one did, but overall i think this is a better fit. :)

i'm seriously considering moving nearer to work. but i LIKE midtown, and i LIKE being near tech for all the inevitable group projects we'll have to do. so i think i'm staying. unless, of course, the people in the apartment next door kill me...

it all started when i was studying in silence...until noises of people yelling and loud music erupted through my wall. at first i thought they'd realize how loud it was and turn it down soon. no such luck. thirty minutes later i'm TOTALLY distracted. *what happened next i am not exactly proud of, but oh well* so. i went over to my stereo (which was, conveniently, plugged in on the wall that loud people share with me), turned the speakers around so that they were TOUCHING the shared wall in question (because sound travels better through solids; i'm not an engineer for nothing) turned it on CD (which, conveniently, is holding godsmack at the moment), found the loudest, most bass-ey song i could, turned my mega-bass all the way up, pressed "play" and jacked the volume up so loud i could feel the air vibrating from across the room. i figured thirty seconds of that and they'd get the point. nope. i even waited after pausing it for a minute or two, hoping they'd realize they sucked. still nope.

eventually, they shut up (or left, because i think they're back--and noisy--again.) :/

i can see the light at the end of the semester tunnel. test tomorrow, project due wednesday, final the following monday. then i'll be DONE. and maybe on "warning" if i make a C. but with the last several things we have to do there's still 47% of our grade to be determined. so i need a B on the test.

gonna study and take nyquil now. ;)

Friday, November 23, 2007


i can't sleep. gah.

thoughts spinning and whirling and i'm wondering if i should pay attention to them.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


i am sitting in my not-mine-for-much-longer office. it's almost empty, and there's no lamp. it feels cold and stark and distinctly un-homelike. sigh.

i really like the people here and i will miss them. however, i am SUPER excited about the soon-to-be new place, with a MUCH smaller commute and people more diverse and work more diverse also.

oh yeah, and i got a white chocolate mocha with THREE shots of espresso last night so i could stay up and finish homework and boy, did it work. i'm STILL going...but i think the wall will be hit within the next five hours.

gotta go to tech to turn in homework, go get cat food, do my dishes, vacuum, feed cats, pack, and then head to mom's house all while hopefully avoiding traffic (well, any MAJOR traffic, that is). wish me luck.

i cannot WAIT to crochet over thanksgiving break. i haven't done any in almost a year and i'm starting to miss it. i think i will try a sweater this year. ;)

Thursday, November 15, 2007

more random thoughts from the annals of my brain

i totally used the line about slot cars today. i.e. "did it smell like slot cars?" (wrinkled nose)

**warning** i took nyquil fifteen minutes ago. just so you know, it could possibly get a little crazy soon.

i woke up this morning and my nose was funky. as in, it needed blowing, but the stuff that needed blowing was way back in the back and wouldn't come out when i blew it, but constantly "snags," if you will, when i breathe. anyone who gets sinus infections regularly should know exactly what i mean. it's that higher-up-than normal blob of snot that also makes your throat feel a little off and makes your ears stop up a little. the one that warns you, "i'm not fucking around. you better take some damned cold medicine OR ELSE." hence the nyquil. we shall see if it helps though, cause technically i should have taken claritin and sudafed and mucinex this morning when i first noticed it, according to the First Law of Amanda's Sinuses. (yes, you can mix those meds. just not nyquil with those. the only one you can take with nyquil is claritin. my dad's a pharmacist).

i have come to the conclusion that the only difference between teenage angst and twenties angst is awareness. when you're a teenager, hormones and inexperience allow you to be blind to the fact that you're angsty (most of the time) and you think it all really matters. god. but when you're in your twenties, you know there's no real reason to hate the world and be all emo and shit, but it happens anyway. and there's nothing you can do about it. i KNOW i need to take a chill pill, and i do have methods of self-calming, but sometimes? sometimes i WANT to be pissed off at all the stupid people/assholes/people whose philosophies are unlike mine because they are closed minded. alas, knowing why people piss me off doesn't help me not be pissed off.

oh god. i just sneezed. then i had to blow my nose, and it was semi-productive, but the way-back-there-blob just got bigger and more constrictive of my nasal passages. hurry up, nyquil.

i have decided to use to keep track of my finances. it's pretty cool, and the interface is much more user-friendly than wesabe. in my humble opinion, anyway. i got a pretty graph from it. (pie graph). and it tracks your spending in various areas month to month, so after a few months i'll actually be able to see progress or lack thereof ALL ON ONE SCREEN.

and! i realized i'll be getting a pretty substantial refund from federal taxes this year! all you people who are about to jump on my case for giving the government an interest-free loan, shut it. if i hadn't had this money taken out of my paycheck i probably would have spent it, not saved it, and this way, i'll get a big check and immediately stick most if not all of it in savings. i MIGHT allow myself a pedicure. and i need new tires (but that is a NOW need--and is a NEED--especially if it rains, so i might not be able to wait that long). however, the refund will be almost enough to pay tuition. grin. but my mom offered to lend me the money (interest free) and then when work reimburses me in may i can pay her back...which i am seriously considering doing (and giving her interest, at least as much as she would've earned had she put it in her money market account).

now that saving approximately 200 bucks on gas every month is a very real probability, i am practically giddy with excitement about how that means i can build up an emergency fund and pay off my credit card that much faster. :)

most blogs i have read say it takes about a year between wanting to live frugally and actually realizing the state of living frugally...if that is the case i've got about four to six months left...i hope it isn't that long. i can tell i think differently about spending money now though. grin.

it has been almost two weeks since i have purchased a meal at any type of restaurant. i am so proud of myself, and strangely, i have no desire to go out to eat to celebrate. go me!

and i think i will crochet scarves for the relevant people for christmas. if i do relatively skinny ones i think i can do enough. plus, who doesn't love a really great, soft scarf?

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

pictures from halloween, finally

be sure and note:
bad jewelry
leg warmers/leggings/pumps combo
eye makeup, specifically blue/purple eye shadow UP TO THE EYEBROWS
strange lopsided grin cause i'm trying not to get hideous pink lipstick on my teeth

p.s. debbie gibson is neat-o!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

this one's gonna be a long one...

i told my current boss i was leaving friday. it was kind of sad but i think he understood. and (dramatic pause) i was READY. no more crappy commute, no more 30,000 miles a year (or more) on my car, no more spending $300 per month on gas. and i get to design entire structures now (i think i'll be starting with cell phone towers, but hey, we all have to start somewhere right?) also, i might get to CLIMB cell phone towers. that was mentioned offhand in the interview (as in i probably wouldn't be interested but one guy who is an engineer does it sometimes) and i was all, well i just went skydiving so that sounds cool. ha ha. don't think he expected that. he (the engineer who interviewed me and i think will be my boss) seems cool. as in, someone i might actually have chosen for a friend were he not my future boss. know what i mean? (yet another reason i am super excited about this new job). i'm going to tour the place and meet my co-workers on friday.

i just need (NEED) to say something about the whole teens in malls issue. well, some things.
-some places THAT SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS, the mall is the only thing to do on weekends. so when you eliminate the possibility for teens WHO ARE OLD ENOUGH TO DRIVE THEMSELVES AROUND to go to the mall, you increase teen pregnancy and the usage of dirt roads and backseats, or the incidence of "field parties," or "cruising."
-i think that punishing EVERYONE for the actions of a few breeds resentment and hostility from the teens who are decent. as one of the "good kids" throughout school, the easiest way to make me dislike/disrespect (at least in my head)/get angry at/become enraged at an authority figure was for that person to punish the entire class for the actions of a few. way to go, now ALL teens hate you (mall rule-makers, adults in general), not just the shitty ones.
-that said, i can't say i really blame any of the mall security people or the rule makers for this. the parents of the shitty teens are the ones who are to blame, because they want the mall to babysit their shitty kids. i still think they could've come up with a better solution though. (like, if you want to annoy/harrass people at the mall on friday and saturday nights, you can just get "arrested" by the mall security people and be forced to scrape gum off the bottoms of food court tables NEXT friday and saturday nights. no?)

i procrastinate a lot. and i don't like that about myself, and i KNOW it only creates more stress later (and now, cause i stress about procrastinating stuff i shouldn't) but i can't seem to stop. the only times i have been moderately successful at not procrastinating were when i had so freaking much to do that i had NO spare time and had to plan every task and fill every moment or something wouldn't get done. but no matter how bad it is for me and how much my rational brain KNOWS it's bad, i don't stop procrastinating. sigh.

also, i thought about clothing. in a somewhat deeper than normal context, if you will. (ha ha. you can go ahead and laugh). i thought about all the pieces of clothing that i bought that i LOVE. then i thought about all the other pieces of clothing that i have bought that i "settled" on, usually because i "needed" something THAT DAY and when i didn't find anything i loved i got something anyway. applying that to life, i though about the things i do that i LOVE (autocross, simplicity, trivia, see my family/friends) and the things i do to fill up time or that i feel are necessary but usually don't end up enjoying. granted these time-fillers are much fewer and farther between now, what with being forced to think about stuff in the context of simplicity and not being stressed and spread too thin. however, the two biggest (right now) are school and work. i don't know if i hate engineering, or if i just hate jumping through hoops and useless repetition. right now i'm leaning toward hating hoops/repetition, because there is something very fundamentally satisfying about getting a design right, or getting a homework problem right (if it's something you've never done before. but after the 2564987201146776685236232006th one, i'm so over that shit. and mad because repeating it that many times taught me NOTHING). anyway. the point of this whole thing is i'm going to think, longer and harder, about things that i add to my life from now on, whether it's purchases or activities or responsibilities. do they really add (=enrich), or am i using it as a substitute for something else? my goal, in clothing analogy, is to own only clothing that i feel GREAT in. whether it's super-comfortable or super-career-intimidating-business or just super-cute-and-casual. i will only own it/participate in it/do it if i LOVE it. (this excludes paying bills and working and stuff because i realize they are a necessary part of life. i will not, however, use the excuse of "i have to live SOMEWHERE" to rent the super expensive apartment when the cheap one is just fine).

to this end, i am considering cancelling cable and just having internet. however, i might like my TLC shows and 24 and the office and scrubs and my name is earl too much to make that plunge right now. i have also decided i will most likely live at my current apartment for longer than the one year i initially gave myself. it's super cheap, safe, and i can't beat the location for that price. it's about as cheap as having my own apartment in carrollton would be. that. is. insane.

financially, i'm ok. i'm working on two weeks of not eating out. however, i realized that due to my current job's dress code (or distinct lack thereof) i do not have enough pants that are not jeans to get through two weeks of (new) work. so instead of going to the mall and spending a shit ton of money on overpriced sweat shop clothing, i found two pairs of pants on ebay. however, after winning them i realized that with shipping they were only about 2/3 the cost of regular clothes at a store as opposed to the 1/2 or less they would have been if shipping were less costly. i think i need to go to thrift stores from now on. and i feel guilty about buying them even though they were actually a need. sigh. and i could still use more pants.

Monday, November 05, 2007


i have no motivation for anything right now. i'm not sure why. i think it's the typical end-of-semester feeling of just being worn down. i am reminded almost daily of why i was so glad to graduate, why i HATE homework, why i was so burned out from school when i graduated. and i've signed up for at least two more years of this life. ugh. it seriously never ends. (it's a lot like laundry and dishes, which may explain why i hate it so much).


ok. the following paragraph might be TMI!!! DO NOT READ IF YOU DON'T WANT POTENTIALLY TOO MUCH INFO.

i started the new birth control friday night. i feel ok now, pretty normal. and i think i'm going to try the diva cup. (at first i was all, EW! but i think i'm ok with it now. plus i don't think i can flush tampons here anyway...)

ok no more tmi stuff.

i'm excited and nervous about the fact that it's supposed to be COLD tomorrow. maybe i can actually close my window and have it still be cool enough in here. long story. let's just say my apartment building constantly maintains about 80 degrees and a couple of weeks ago 'they' turned the chillers OFF in the basement or wherever the hell they're located so my temperature choices for air coming out of my "temperature controlled" unit are hot, hotter, and HOT AS FUCK. yeah. i came home the day 'they' changed it (they did it midday, while i wasn't home, of course) and it was eighty in here. gah.

and also? that last paragraph might contain the longest run-on sentence EVER. however, it's got tough competition from the memo i received on my door from our leasing office today (verbatim--but notes in parentheses and italicized are mine):


To: All Residents

From: Management


Date: 11/5/2007

Re: Parking and Towing

We would appreciate your full cooperation as the Parking (<--random caps, no reason) garage Levels (<--more random reasonless caps) B and C is (levels is? wtf?) reaching its full capacity. We need for you to come to the Management (<--caps! randomly!) office to confirm your parking space and making (to make?) sure that all Residents (<--caps!) have their parking sticker(s?) visual (visible?) in the window due to (, as?) towing will began (BEGIN. PEOPLE. COME ON.) on November 21st to (for? but at this point it's so butchered AND STILL ONE SENTENCE it doesn't matter anyway) all unregistered vehicles. If you have any questions please contact the management office. Failure to contact us could result in the cost of towing on the Residents (<--caps! and no apostrophe where one is needed) expense. (that sentence sucked too, but not as much).

Thank you,

The Deadline is November 6th Thru November 19th (office Hours)(<--caps. again.)

Towing will began (BEGIN, DAMMIT) on the 21st of November.

*If you are unable to confirm your space - you must call the Office..... (yes, there were FIVE dots. apparently more emphasized than your regular ellipses (sp?). on top of the fact that we have to be IN the office to confirm our spaces in the first place!)

my response to this (in my head, of course) was:
a) you made me wait on a waiting list for FIVE MONTHS to get a parking place, and then i find out that you don't even have your shit together enough to know who the hell is parking in the garage?? this means i could have gotten a place like, oh, when i MOVED IN. (they sent out a previous notice IN SEPTEMBER listing all the spaces they weren't receiving payment for and hadn't for god knows how long that, i dunno, maybe they SHOULD HAVE BEEN KEEPING TRACK OF?)

b) you mean that guy next to me that has been parking there for longer than i have and has no sticker is FINALLY going to get towed? hahahahahahaha--oh wait, now he KNOWS you don't have your shit together and that you'll have it together by nov. 21st, which means he has two more weeks of free parking. sigh.

c) i can't believe you can't keep up with your shit enough to know that i have a valid sticker and have been paying, after i watched you painstakingly, slowly, write my information (and later type it) into an excel spreadsheet which you are supposedly using to keep track. why is it now MY burden to prove to YOU? maybe i'll mail them pictures of my stickers.

Friday, November 02, 2007


we got our tests back today that we took on wednesday. and....i got an 83!!!!!!!!!!!! yay!

there's also an optional retest with no time limit (the reason i usually screw stuff up is time, not stupidity...or maybe that's temporary stupidity?) next friday, but i'm not sure if i want to chance getting a lower score. so i'm not sure what i'll end up doing.


check this out.

not sure i'd ever want to raise a kid without another parent BY CHOICE.

i dunno. maybe ask me again if i'm 37 and still single...

Thursday, November 01, 2007

a peek into my brain/life

sometimes i wonder if i will ever find anything meaningful in engineering.

waffle house just opened near work. it was tasty today for lunch. i fear it might become a weekly habit...

cute pictures of babies make my ovaries hurt...until i remember that after keeping my four week old niece for ONE NIGHT i wanted to die from lack of sleep.

trivia/halloween was fun. i was a rockin' debbie gibson, thanks to sally's awesome off-the-shoulder lavender sweatshirt.

i think there's eyeliner stuck behind my eyeball or something. but it was totally worth it.

i might have almost gotten a speeding ticket this morning in auburn. thank god for large transfer trucks in the right lane that a) blocked the cops' view of me and b) hog all the radar signals so my speed didn't pick up, giving me time to hit the brakes. i think i should get on a cruise control kick again.

speaking of cars: i'd like to impose a moratorium on random, useless, spastic brake-slamming-on. it has been happening far, far too often in the atlanta area the last couple of days. if there's a reason, sure, hit those brakes. stomp away. but if there's no reason other than the one car showing brake lights THREE MILES UP THE ROAD? god help me, but i really want to just run into people like that (and i might, if it wouldn't automatically be my fault cause i rear-ended them).

i wish everyone had a live and let live, accelerate when possible, and GTFO to the slow lane whenever possible. it would prevent many incidents. and road rage.

i didn't realize how gaudy some of my jewelry was until last night. i'm hoping it's not that bad when it's just one piece or two at a time. cause wow. i'll post pics later; left my camera at home today.

ok. finally, some deep shit, as my sound off friends like to say.

i was thinking last night about how the best friends i've made in my life thus far (well, 70% of them) were made as a result of me putting myself out there with something i was a bit wary of initially.

my first semester of freshman year of college was odd. i lived off campus, with three roommates who were all my sister's age (my sister was one of them), and i didn't really participate in anything. so i didn't have the built-in bonding experience of living in the dorms, and i didn't join a sorority, and i hadn't met many people in engineering yet, because i was only taking two engineering classes. then, randomly, i got an e-mail from UGA's disability services center that said a group called "Sound Off" met once a month and was for deaf/hard of hearing (hoh) people to get together. initially, i laughed. i thought there was no one like me, who'd been in mainstream education, who spoke, and who most people couldn't tell had hearing aids. i was also partially in denial, because i could HEAR. just not well. and these people, they probably couldn't, and they'd be signing and i'd be lost.

but my sister convinced me to go, saying something like, "if they're too weird you can always just eat the free pizza and then come home." and for a broke college freshman, that was the kicker. i went.

and oh my god. they weren't weird! they understood! they knew what it was to pretend you heard something because you were afraid people would be annoyed if you asked "what?" too many times. they knew the frustration of professors talking with their backs to you and only hearing every third word...and so on and so forth. and best of all? they were NORMAL. (while i think we can all agree that normal doesn't really exist and that if it did it'd be boring, they were normal in the sense of being "kindred spirits" or whatever). from then on, whether we met as part of UGA or just at someone's house for a potluck, there was always a core group who never lost touch. and we talk about "deep shit" at those gatherings. not shallow shit. (sort of inside joke). and i don't know what i'd do without these people. i am so glad i put myself out there even though i was afraid they'd be weird or unable to communicate or whatever.

another experience like that has been the simplicity group. it is the only other time in my life (other than sound off) when i've walked into a roomful of strangers and by the time i left, felt totally comfortable with ALL of them. even comfortable enough to discuss my FINANCES (gasp!). now we discuss everything...from disgusting to off-color to hilarious to dreams and goals...ok. don't want to be sappy, that's not the intent. so they're awesome.

with simplicity, since i found them on the simple living network and all that stuff is generally perceived as pretty hippie anyway, i wasn't sure whether it would be cult-like or judgmental or whatever--but it was SO not and i am glad.

and through it all i have decided that not knowing what to expect and putting yourself out there even when you're not sure are two great ways to really connect with people, and possibly find the best friends you'll ever have.

it's nice, too, cause i had a huge support network in high school which dwindled greatly in college (there's discussion about that in older posts) and now i feel like it's intact again. :)

people--good people--are awesome.