Tuesday, October 30, 2007

totally random unorganized thoughts

i have to make four b's before one c won't get me a warning/probation. (maybe i'm freaking out unnecessarily since i only made one C in college, but still).

that would be easier if i were taking more than one or two classes at a time.

i could be done in a year if i quit work and got loans.

i don't want to be in debt. and i'm not sure i could get enough loans just to pay for my living (read: CAR PAYMENT, INSURANCE) costs.

they (tech) don't offer summer classes for grad school. which means my timeline is now more like four years if i keep doing it this way.

i don't even know if i want to be an engineer that badly. maybe i should have gotten an architecture masters (even though that would take three and a half to four years FULL TIME).

ugh. i hate not knowing. or in this case, being indecisive. i think i'm going to e-mail the loan person at tech.

other, non-school related thoughts:

in the fall, i always feel restless, like i want to pack up and move across the country; on the way home from work sometimes i want to keep driving for hours and hours and end up in a new city for a few days; like i'm trapped by my life. school, especially, is making me feel that way. what if i don't want to be in atlanta for the FOUR YEARS it will take me to finish this? (i know i said these weren't school related, but whatever).

i've been reading "the existential pleasures of engineering" and i find that i do still want to be an engineer, i think, but probably not in the traditional sense of the word, at least not forever. the book made the point that engineers should be more involved in political decision-making processes, because public opinion is generally not informed enough to support responsible change until there's a crisis (i.e. the air pollution in london for thousands of years--nothing done about it till one year it killed 4000 people. but the engineers had been trying to get something done about it for hundreds--from the background. also, the I-35 bridge collapse. engineers have been reporting (privately, to whoever requested the study) that many bridges are in dire condition, but fear of losing their jobs or inability to single-handedly inform enough of the public prevented anything from actually happening).

that was worded badly. but you get the point.

also, i'm having a bad-financial-outlook-month. i have to get new tires SOON, i have to pay car insurance in february, and i have to pay tuition in january. i was planning on taking two classes, but that's almost twice as much as one class due to the fact that with more than one class i then have to pay the athletic fee, the transportation fee, the exercise facility fee, whatever. all those damned fees for stuff I WON'T USE. (i'll probably use the exercise facility. but not as often as i should). so the tires are somewhere between $400 and $800 depending on how "autocross-y" i can afford them; insurance is either $450 for the initial of four payments or about $1200 for all six months; and tuition (for two classes) will be roughly $1600. i DO NOT have that much in savings, and while i will try to squirrel it away, it pretty much boils down to choosing between not paying off any of my credit card debt between now and then, and using my tuition reimbursement to basically pay it all off at the end of next semester (which is possible b/c my year of no interest doesn't run out till august) and hoping i can save enough in three months; or using my credit card (another one with no balance right now, but that will carry interest) for tires and tuition and racking up interest charges; or taking the loan i know i can get, just enough for tires and tuition plus a little and not having to pay it back for a while.

i'm actually thinking i may take out the max loan that i can for this semester (about $4000) and sticking the extra in my HSBC account just for peace of mind. i won't have to pay it back till i'm done with grad school (i think, have to check), and even though the interest on the loan is slightly higher than the interest i'll get from the savings account, the peace of mind might be worth it. because right now i'm about a paycheck away from disaster (without using credit cards, at least).

gonna e-mail the financial aid lady now to figure out how this loan thing works.

Friday, October 26, 2007


oh yeah, forgot to update on the test. so i did not as well as i'd hoped, but that happened to everyone else too and he let us rework the first two problems (ALL of my points lost, pretty much, were on the first one). so i reworked it and got an 83.5. i am happy with that. need a B to not get a warning, as i'm only taking one class and a 2.7 GPA must be maintained.

i also kicked ass on a surprise in class assignment on wednesday and added an extra 50 points to my homework grade. go me!

the answer was 2/5(wL). so there.

food. i must be hungry.

i know why quaker instant "weight control" oatmeal works. because it's so gummy and mushy and non-oatmealy that one can only eat half of it before the urge to puke overcomes the hunger.

i wish i had some alfredo's fettucine alfredo right now. maybe i'll try to eat there this weekend.

i delivered the check to the roofing guy in athens yesterday. yet another step in a limited number of steps left before the house is no longer ours. so far i have not become emotional over it--but i didn't go in last night because i didn't want to find out if i'd get emotional.

i ate k-bob's last night (well actually now it is uncle otto's earuopean eatery instead of achim's k-bob) but the sandwich is the same and oh it was good. theoretically achim is going to open one in atlanta in the next few years. i'm hopeful.feta, feta, everywhere and it was soooo good.

which brings me to the next thought: cheese is awesome.is there another food that can take on so many different flavors and textures, that you can eat for any meal or for dessert, that you can pair with or slap on top of pretty much anything and make it instantly better? recently i have become more broadened in my cheese horizons. i love goat cheese, and stinky cheese, and even moldy cheese (if it's intentional mold). bland pasta? add cheese! icky burger? add cheese (and ketchup)! instant potatoes? add cheese and they'll at least become edible!

it must be noted that i do not include as actual cheese any sliced pre-packaged individually wrapped cheese. i really do not like the kraft individually wrapped cheeses (american, white american, even their swiss). i think it's the texture. they're slightly rubbery, yet gummy, just....ew.

while we're discussing food, i wonder if anyone else is particular about their ketchup? hunts is my favorite brand, and i'll eat others, but i'll wish it was hunts. same with mayo--preferred brand is blue plate. which they don't have in any place other than the southeast. if i ever relocate i'll have to order it by the case. and i'm sorry, but miracle whip is the sorriest excuse for a spread in existence.

more things i dislike that are food related:
-chain restaurants
-sometimes olives
-saltines, unless they're in meat loaf
-people who don't eat vegetables...don't they realize all the possibilities they're missing??
-any restaurant that has bad or instant mashed potatoes. i mean, come on. they're not THAT hard.
-nutmeg in any discernible quantity. it makes me nauseous.
-some other spice that i have yet to identify that is sometimes present in more than usual quantities in little hawaiian's crab cakes and bread dipping oil that makes my chest and stomach feel funny.

things i LIKE that are food related:
-edible stuff
-meat (steak, bacon, chicken/turkey sausage, etc.)
-when a restaurant does something in a kick-ass manner. like alfredo's fettucine alfredo.
-this could go on and on. pretty much, i just like food. :)

i think i'm hungry (if i could just get past all the burping up of gloopy gummy sticky mushy too-sweet oatmeal). maybe i'll get someting GOOD for lunch, like zaxby's. (note: "good" depends entirely on the frame of reference. and in this context, where my choices are dairy queen, zaxby's, a scary sushi place--i like sushi but not scary--and the quik trip, zaxby's becomes "good").

Sunday, October 21, 2007

i think it's really gone

it's been a while since i had sunday night depression. in college, it was a regular occurence. usually on sundays (in college) i was just getting back to athens after coming home all weekend and i would be NOT looking forward to the week and missing my family and caleb.

i'm proud to say it has been almost a year since i had it, whatever IT was. i'm pretty ok with my life right now. sure, there are some things that i would like to be a little different, but overall it's pretty freaking good. we talked about perfect versus good tonight at simplicity and i think several of us felt like if we couldn't do it perfectly we failed (in this case we were discussing keeping track of money). i think i let this apply to too many things in my life instead of just being grateful for the goodness that did exist. i need to find a balance between striving to do everything perfectly and total complacency. either one would be bad. i feel like in some ways i am beginning to find that middle ground.

we also discussed the benefits/potential benefits of not forcing one's life to progress in a purely linear fashion (i.e. college, grad school, job, marriage, house, kids) but allowing space in life between things on that eventual progression. i think that really applied to me as well, because by having my entire life turned on its head in late april, it really forced me to examine my choices in a new light. did i really want the things i thought i did, or had i just assumed i did since i was a child and never again REALLY examined it? i know that sounded confusing. anyway, the point is, yes, eventually i want a family. but i have realized that i'm not ready for one anytime soon. i want to finish my master's and get a PE first off. then i am allowing myself to see the period beyond that as blank: i can move to colorado (or wherever), i can travel for a year, i can do whatever i want after that BUT I'M NOT GOING TO PLAN IT OUT RIGHT NOW, or even in the next year or two. i'm going to allow it to be deliciously hazy, purposefully unknown, and force myself to be okay with that, excited about it even. other things i realized are no longer self-evident truths for me: i don't care if i'm engaged before i live with someone. i think the benefits of finding out if you can live with someone outweigh my father's reaction (however, i won't be ADVERTISING this revelation to him)...i like cities or boonies but not suburbs...i love my family but i think i'd be ok living somewhere far away, at least for a few years...i might not want to stay at home with my kids--though i will probably want to work less while they're little...i want to be a saver, not a spender (i'm really working on this. hard. i think i will eventually do it but it will probably take a year or so before it becomes natural)...my family doesn't need to know anything about my love life unless i want them to--but on the other hand their opinions carry more weight than they once did, IF i decide to ask...i'm not sure i want a big wedding (or even a wedding at all) anymore. i've been to a lot of weddings in the past year and it just seems like a lot of drama, money, and stress for something that's supposed to be the happiest day of two people's lives. plus, the marriage is between the two people, not them and their families and 500 of their "best" friends. though family meshing is important, a wedding won't determine that...big expensive houses aren't worth it. i'd rather have a small house with a small payment with rooms that i use every INCH of--efficiently. if it's done right i won't feel cramped and there also won't be unused space. my apartment has definitely redefined "small" to me, and kitchens that are "small" to the general population now seem humongous, fraught with possibilities, full of potential to me. haha....i might want to live in my apartment for more than the one year because it's cheap, the location is great, it will allow me to save more for a house, i feel safe, and there's covered parking.

i think these are most of the revelations i've had recently. i'm sure there will be more.

sorry for the long post; i'm kinda cracked out on starbucks coffee (but i don't have a headache anymore! yay!)

Thursday, October 18, 2007

columbus day

the trip was awesome and relaxing and fun.

mountain stuff:

rain dance

it's really simple:

1) i went to the car wash last friday
2) i wore white pants today (all the better for dirty water to sling up on when i walk)
3) i straightened my hair last night/this morning

put all those together, and voila! it RAINED today!

so next time there's only 90 days of water left in lake lanier, y'all just give me a call, you hear?

Monday, October 15, 2007

pissed off

i think my $100 rebate check from comcast was stolen. cause i got the other two (for $25 and $75) but, lo and behold, that one just wasn't there. perhaps the company that sends them ought to consider sending them IN ENVELOPES so people can't just peek inside the barely-secured trifold piece of paper and go, "ooh! a check! i want that!" and take it. cause either way the company's losing the check. why not let it actually go to the person it's SUPPOSED TO????

and also my professor thinks my undergraduate degree is holding me back. i am ANGRY. for the first time EVER, i had the fleeting thought that maybe i should have gone to tech. and that is what makes me angry, because no, i shouldn't have gone to tech.

bigod i'm gonna get a fucking A in that class. if it's not too late. gotta go rework problem one for the test. a messed up sign cost me 20 points. agh;aoghawoorihawehrads;lkdkfj!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UPDATE: the rebate check came yesterday!! YAY! (10-18-07)

Thursday, October 11, 2007

the mayonnaise was funky

my publix sub's mayonnaise was funky just now. i only ate three bites with a tangible amount of the funky mayonnaise on them, but i am worried i will puke.

it tasted of a hint of dead old fish...

interesting debate

check out this article

it's an issue that doesn't really affect me at work, but i think it probably will someday. and it recently affected my life outside work.

the comments at the bottom are interesting:

Posted by WAYNE
October 11, 2007
Abusing the child-as-excuse flexibility is awful -- it obviously shouldn't be done -- but as today's families increasingly have two working parents, there's not the same safety net of the stay-at-home mom that most of you here probably had as kids.

One hint for you singles: take up a charity. If you honestly work for the charity even HALF as much as the time raising a child takes, you'll have more than enough excuses why you can't "cover" for your colleagues with kids.

Posted by Em
October 11, 2007
I shouldn't need an "excuse" as to why I can't cover for my colleagues with kids. My time is my own and nobody, not my boss and not my co-workers, gets to decide that somebody else's personal time takes precedence over mine just because they have children. As a single person at work, I have been told that I'm expected to work harder and longer hours because I don't have other obligations (ie spouse and kids). I take offense to the idea that I repeatedly have to justify wanting to maintain a work-life balance just because I don't have kids, while those with children don't appear to be questioned.

Maybe I'm saving the world. Maybe I'm sitting on the couch. Maybe I'm dealing with family or personal issues that I don't want to share at work. The point is that it's MY life and just because I don't have kids doesn't mean I have to spend that life at work.

emily rocks. in short, whatever i'm doing in my single life, whatever plans i have made, are just as important to me as your obligations to family and kids are to you.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

oh yeah

and i got the drysol. no more sweaty armpits! yay me!

yeah, it works. :)


it was awesome. love the mountains, love driving in them (tried to moderate it a little in the interest of my wonderful travel companion), loved hiking and sleeping late and snuggling. :)

in other news, since i got sick with all that sinus crap a few weeks ago, my stomach has been....iffy. nearly every time i eat it feels all crampy afterward. and i have had pretty much constant gas for two weeks. it's weird.

and OMG the foo fighters show at the tabernacle rocked my world. (and, though he doesn't know it yet, dave grohl and i are BFF). i scream-sang (and jumped up and down, and shrieked) to my heart's content and got within two feet of dave after the concert...his teeth aren't nearly as overpowering in person as they are in pictures. he said they're coming back soon but that it'd be a huge venue...and i'm not sure any concert in my life will ever be as good as that one, but i'll keep hoping! i decided after the concert that even if i got sick from not sleeping and failed my test the next day it would still be TOTALLY worth it. and kudos to taylor hawkins. that boy can hammer some drums.

will keep you all posted on how the test turned out. hopefully i will get it back tomorrow, and hopefully i did better on it than on the last one. :)