Tuesday, April 29, 2008

little "B" song


i got a B

in my scary class, oh yes,
it's a B
no warning for MEEEEEEEEEEE!

B, B, B, B, B, BBB-BUH-B


i'm going to chop off my hair
this weekennnnnnnnnnnnd


the end

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

things that i want

things that i want--SERIOUSLY want:

BALANCE. i want more time for the things i think are truly important--friends, family, reading, re-centering myself, and fun.

to be done with school and finally feel like i'm not struggling to catch up with some ideal for myself that i have created in my mind. first, it was finishing college. then i got there and realized that in order to truly have a career that is fulfilling and not purely rote (or "assembly line" engineering) i needed a master's. but i won't finish that for another two years and some months...and then it will be the PE test. THEN, i'm hoping i will have reached a sort of balance, where i'm still learning, albeit more slowly, less frantically, and only because i WANT to be learning, not because some person says that if i do this and get a piece of paper (master's degree), i can have a better job.

to have a FULFILLING job that pays decently. i don't really care if i'm "rich" per se (because rich is not defined by how much money i have or don't, but how fulfilled i feel with my life), but i would eventually like to have a job in which i like it so much that the inevitable crap that comes with it is WORTH IT. i realize i've only had two "real" jobs (three if you count CertainTeed), but so far i haven't found anything close. (although my current job is MUCH BETTER than the last one, i think that's more because of the people and the location than the actual work). because let's face it, i don't care about or have a personal stake in insulation manufacturing, connection design, or cell phone towers. i need something more relevant and "feel good."

to have a family someday. i see david, amie, jenny and anna, and while they have their difficulties, they are above all a family. i want that someday. i belive that family is one of the few ways we can actually make the world a little brighter, by creating/being part of a unified, loving, hilariously fun and nutty family. having that in my own life has been AMAZINGLY AWESOME, and i would argue that i had the best childhood ever and the best mom/dad/siblings ever. not because they're perfect, but because we were raised to love each other, play like crazy, be nutty, and HAVE FUN. not that we didn't have our squabbles; we did. but they were never the focus. somehow, my mama and daddy (yes, i still call them that) instilled in us the view that siblings are to have fun with and invent crazy games with and confide in (even to the detriment of not telling our parents if the other(s) had done something wrong, which i STILL see as invaluable...they were and still are the two people in the world that i KNOW, no matter what, will still love me and not let judgment color their view of me whatever i do). my family freaking rocks. we have so many inside jokes that i think sometimes people think we're speaking a foreign language. my extended family is that way too, for the most part, and for that i feel even more incredibly lucky. all of my cousins (even second cousins) are more like siblings to me in that i would CHOOSE to hang out with them as friends even if we weren't actually related. having that corner of support and fun and awesomeness has helped me MANY times.

an abode that i can be creative with. it has been far too long since i was able to paint or decorate or remodel and it's really getting to me. i think that is an outlet that i NEED. i don't care if it's rented or purchased, but my remodeling self is itching to get back out and get busy again. i need a project, and i need to feel that where i live reflects me, and right now i don't feel that way (it kinda does, but because i can't paint it feels like a very watered-down reflection).

to cook more. cooking, for me, is fulfilling. i like trying new things, i love food, and i like knowing that i can create food that looks and tastes good and has new ingredients. that, along with the interior decorating/renovating part of me, seems to have gone dormant since i moved into my apartment. i look forward to getting that back soon.

milk. (this is totally unrelated to the previous "deep thought" things). i've been craving milk lately. i actually DREAMED about a glass of milk the other night and when i woke up i could hardly wait to get to work (we had breakfast here on friday and there was leftover, still good, milk) and CHUG some freaking milk. i currently don't have any at my apartment. i think i'll remedy that tonight. geez. just typing about it is making me want more milk. yes, hi, i am a milk addict, nice to meet you.

Thursday, April 03, 2008


sooo i have a LOT of shit to unload. i've been so amazingly ridiculously insanely busy over the last month, and it's only going to get worse from now till may 1st. (that's when both of my finals are).

where to begin.....

time: i feel like i have NONE of it with which to do what I want to do. (read, sleep, clean, cook, whatever). even though this is not ENTIRELY true, it pretty much is. i'm in the end-of-semester state where i just hunker down (i love that phrase, it makes me laugh) and concentrate on two things to the detriment of everything else. right now, those two things are work and school. i stayed at work all night monday night to finish a term paper for school and then worked the next day. sigh.

money: my cat had a semi-emergency and the subsequent vet visit/medicine/IV fluids totalled 382.17. wow. good thing i have an emergency fund.

also money: the house. as it stands right now, i will be more than okay. however, i keep being afraid there's something i won't know till it's like 8 grand to fix. (however, the house is new as far as framing and everything, so it doesn't need any improvements. just stuff the builder didn't finish because he went into foreclosure. however, he is agreeing to fix the two most dire things, and i am very excited about that, cause they weren't going to be cheap. and that leaves more room in my post-moving-in budget for surprises). so i'm mostly excited about the house. i just want to move in RIGHT NOW.

school: i really despise my one class. and it's really taking a huge toll on my motivation for school in general. fortunately, i think that is the problem, not the fact that i don't want to be an engineer at all, which is a huge relief.

more school: there will be a class offered this summer. do i take it and graduate with my master's a semester early (december 2009 instead of may 2010) or do i take a much-looked-forward-to break? it won't be a HUGE workload, i've had the teacher before and like him, and it's on structural modeling (mostly using GTSTRUDL, which i'm already familiar with). however, my work schedule will most likely be a bit more demanding this summer, and it is three days a week from 1:30 to 2:20, and that's a lot of gas those three days. i could take MARTA on tues/thurs though and defray the cost a bit. i plan on bringing up the topic for discussion at simplicity, they usually see sides of things that i don't and i need that perspective right now.

more money: i need brakes. not DESPERATELY, but SOON. and my brakes are not cheap. sigh. however, i plan on doing the work myself, which will make it significantly cheaper.

self-care: i'm stressed all the time, i don't exercise, and i've been eating like total CRAP the last three weeks. so now i don't sleep well either. i plan on starting to walk for 30 minutes to an hour at least twice a week. maybe rope people into playing frisbee with me too. i MISS exercising (and i never really liked it to begin with, so you know it's bad). i also don't ever, ever relax anymore, and while i know it's temporary (may first, here i come!) it's still taking a toll.

more house: so....i have to pack up all my shit and move in two weeks. timing sucks. never ever ever start your lease anywhere near finals, is the moral of this story. but on the flip side, I GET TO MOVE IN TWO WEEKS (and a day). anyone want to help? lol. (i have some help so if not i won't be offended. moving sucks).

also i want to sell a bunch of crap on craigslist and/or in a yard sale but haven't had time to go through everything yet. oh well. baby steps.

there are silver linings though. narnia's kidneys are not failing (yay!), i have a HOUSE!!!! (triple yay), i'm almost done with the semester, and i kinda feel like i maybe know a little bit of what i'm doing at work now. plus, i have the most awesome bf in the ENTIRE world who is helpful and supportive and snuggly and caring and awesome. all in all, life is good, i'm just stressing out quite a bit right now. and i'm SO TIRED most of the time. :/

soldiering on!