tall tale

so i was assigned to write a tall tale in seventh grade...and had forgotten all about it till i came across it just now:

"H.D."

One day, as I was sitting in my room, I heard the strangest, most nerve-wracking noise I had ever heard. I peeked out my door. The hair began to rise on the back of my neck. Goosebumps covered my body. There, at the top of the stairs, its body glowing in the dark gloomy shadows, rose the Huge...Deranged...Slinky.

I tried to flatten myself against the wall, mortified of its horrid intentions, praying that it hadn't caught a glimpse of my flattened form. As I listened closely, I could hear metallic whirring of the slinky's cold, steel spirals as it began its terrorizing descent. Slowly it came, inch by inch, carpet strand by carpet strand, dodging the dust bunnies along its crooked path.

I had just enough time to snatch my arctic-proof, thermal insulated, fire-proof Barbie sleeping bag. The slinky took one look at the life-sized fake smile and began writhing in pain. Then it began gagging and retching and suddenly, to my great surprise, it spontaneously combusted, leaving only a puff of smoke and a few sparks.

My only proof of the Huge Deranged Slinky's existence are the few singed fibers left in the carpet of the third step.





my teacher (my QUEST teacher, of all teachers--QUEST was the smart kid program) didn't like it all that much, but even now i laughed out loud reading it. i'll admit i'm strange, and writing this in seventh grade was probably stranger still. but damn, son, that was funny.

yes. i am insane. but you laughed, didn't you?