Wednesday, December 12, 2007

disenchanted lullaby...

sing me yours i'll sing you mine...

rough time in my life right now. i got an e-mail today from a great (understanding, empathetic) friend and just wow. it was comforting at least.

rough does not necessarily mean bad. i know all these changes are, for the most part, good and necessary for my growth. i just have had a really hard time adjusting to change since i was a small child, and now is no exception. sometimes, i just want to throw down in the floor and pitch a fit because I DON'T WANT TO GROW UP. i don't want to be jaded, i don't want to be hurt, i don't want to build walls to protect myself, i don't want the financial responsibility, i don't want to clean up my own room, and i most certainly don't want to iron. i don't even really want the independence because with that comes burdens so the idea of truly being independent was sort of a hoax anyway.

i think i'm just having a down day. most of the time i'm pretty happy. just...sometimes i want a stable, happy, blissful even, period in my life instead of upheaval. the last time i had that was about three years ago. at least i remember it and what it feels like.

i DID enjoy my drive home today, and i'm going to see about $150 more of my money per paycheck now, which will help with tires, tuition, and car insurance. if/when i get a raise, though, all of that (except 1 %) is going to retirement b/c i dropped that down to 6% for a while. i feel better though. :)

No comments: