a good reason not to get on myspace at work:
you might read the bulletin from your sister saying her dog died and then burst into tears before you can get to a bathroom, and then look like crap for the rest of the day because your eyes are all red and swollen and you can't stop tearing up.
tiggy, i love you.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
realizations
...i feel older in my head than i actually am (as far as maturity goes, at least; for the most part i still feel 16--but i'm talking about a whole nother plane of feeling, if you will). i have always felt closer to my sister's age than my own, and typically my friends are either really mature or older than me, or both.
my best guy friend and i were discussing it last night, in relation to age gaps in dating...and he said he doesn't even look twice at people younger than 25 on match.com (he's 27). naturally, i was somewhat insulted on behalf of everyone my age, until he explained that most people he's met my age (or 22 or 23) are still in school, no career yet, not many hobbies/outside interests, etc. hence the no consideration. it didn't help much though, because most of my friends who happen to be my own age are mature, have interests, have a career, blah blah blah. i dunno, maybe my friends are the exceptions. (ha! at least i don't TALK like i'm old--i still say i dunno and wanna and sound twelve. sigh).
so i guess the POINT of all this is i feel like i was born with melissa, not five years later. i have a career, i know where i want to go with it, at least for the next few years--after that hopefully the means to integrate engineering and LEED and sustainable design and DESIGN (not "assembly line engineering," actual DESIGN that requires critical thinking) in a career will become more obvious and easily attainable and hopefully at least somewhat family oriented (as in, if i ever have one of those lol). i am developing my interests, realizing that it's okay to be ME. for a long time i worried about what everyone else thought (especially my family) and how i was expected to be, not how i wanted to be. now it has become more of being me--distilled, concentrated me (how scary is THAT?)--and figuring out how to balance that with the people in my life and not scare them or make them feel like i'm deserting them. namely, my family. so here's to NOT being an aunt who's not around while still preserving my life without my family.
...i think sometimes my dad thinks i'm obnoxious (which i am, i just try to tone it down around him), and since college he seems to be more accepting of that, and of me as a person (who KNOWS stuff! wow!) rather than that i'm his kid and he has to teach me stuff. it's interesting. and odd. especially the whole carbon nanotube-bladed windmill idea. don't get me started...just suffice it to say that once he realized that that equated to having enough strength in his windmill blades to HANG MACK TRUCKS FROM THEM and was therefore totally, wholly unnecessary, he laid off a bit.
...i still hate exercise. but i like the way i feel afterward, and i like having awesome leg muscles (however long they may take to come back, they ARE there, i promise). plus, i paid for the whole semester, which is a pretty good motivator. cardio kickboxing was supposed to be tonight, and i showed up, forgetting that the rest of the WORLD has mlk day off. sigh.
...a freaking volvo beat me this morning (it was because my car was still cold and i was unwilling to push it hard, but STILL). but last night i beat a prelude that had two mufflers with two pipes each and rumbled (not buzzed)...not sure how big the engine was, but it made me feel better since mine's totally stock and still won. haha. (this is why sometimes i feel 16).
...i actually LIKE my apartment now. it is still tiny, and too small to live in forever, but for a couple years it will be good. it's making me not amass so much STUFF; forcing me to reduce/eliminate stuff and let go of my packrat tendencies. i still want to paint it though. just waiting to see how much my rent is going to increase next year (in april of this year, really).
...my skin is ridiculously dry. i mean INSANELY. last night, in the shower, i put OIL on it. yes. OIL. and by the time i got out, i was able to put on three pumps of lotion PER APPENDAGE (appendages, in this case, being defined as 1/2 of a leg, or a whole arm) and have it all absorbed. that was at 6 pm. then, at bedtime (11 pm ish), my face was dry AGAIN so i slathered it with ridiculously greasy feeling moisturizer (my other skin was dry again too, but i was too tired to care). and then when i woke up this morning, there was a little dry patch of flaky skin on my cheek, just saying hey! i know you slathered the lotion on last night but really, it did NO GOOD AT ALL. and for some reason my temple is somewhat red and dry feeling. not sure why. i wish it would warm up a little, or get humid. my skin needs it. plus, enough snow would mean i could skip work/school and sleep and read in my pj's.
...speaking of work, today it was FREEZING because the building people didn't turn on the heat because they thought we weren't working today. so not only did i have to work today when my friends didn't, i had to freeze my ass off the whole time i was there! (but yes, i do still really like my job and the people there).
ok. that was longer than i meant for it to be. (as is everything i say; i'm not sure why i'm still surprised by that).
my best guy friend and i were discussing it last night, in relation to age gaps in dating...and he said he doesn't even look twice at people younger than 25 on match.com (he's 27). naturally, i was somewhat insulted on behalf of everyone my age, until he explained that most people he's met my age (or 22 or 23) are still in school, no career yet, not many hobbies/outside interests, etc. hence the no consideration. it didn't help much though, because most of my friends who happen to be my own age are mature, have interests, have a career, blah blah blah. i dunno, maybe my friends are the exceptions. (ha! at least i don't TALK like i'm old--i still say i dunno and wanna and sound twelve. sigh).
so i guess the POINT of all this is i feel like i was born with melissa, not five years later. i have a career, i know where i want to go with it, at least for the next few years--after that hopefully the means to integrate engineering and LEED and sustainable design and DESIGN (not "assembly line engineering," actual DESIGN that requires critical thinking) in a career will become more obvious and easily attainable and hopefully at least somewhat family oriented (as in, if i ever have one of those lol). i am developing my interests, realizing that it's okay to be ME. for a long time i worried about what everyone else thought (especially my family) and how i was expected to be, not how i wanted to be. now it has become more of being me--distilled, concentrated me (how scary is THAT?)--and figuring out how to balance that with the people in my life and not scare them or make them feel like i'm deserting them. namely, my family. so here's to NOT being an aunt who's not around while still preserving my life without my family.
...i think sometimes my dad thinks i'm obnoxious (which i am, i just try to tone it down around him), and since college he seems to be more accepting of that, and of me as a person (who KNOWS stuff! wow!) rather than that i'm his kid and he has to teach me stuff. it's interesting. and odd. especially the whole carbon nanotube-bladed windmill idea. don't get me started...just suffice it to say that once he realized that that equated to having enough strength in his windmill blades to HANG MACK TRUCKS FROM THEM and was therefore totally, wholly unnecessary, he laid off a bit.
...i still hate exercise. but i like the way i feel afterward, and i like having awesome leg muscles (however long they may take to come back, they ARE there, i promise). plus, i paid for the whole semester, which is a pretty good motivator. cardio kickboxing was supposed to be tonight, and i showed up, forgetting that the rest of the WORLD has mlk day off. sigh.
...a freaking volvo beat me this morning (it was because my car was still cold and i was unwilling to push it hard, but STILL). but last night i beat a prelude that had two mufflers with two pipes each and rumbled (not buzzed)...not sure how big the engine was, but it made me feel better since mine's totally stock and still won. haha. (this is why sometimes i feel 16).
...i actually LIKE my apartment now. it is still tiny, and too small to live in forever, but for a couple years it will be good. it's making me not amass so much STUFF; forcing me to reduce/eliminate stuff and let go of my packrat tendencies. i still want to paint it though. just waiting to see how much my rent is going to increase next year (in april of this year, really).
...my skin is ridiculously dry. i mean INSANELY. last night, in the shower, i put OIL on it. yes. OIL. and by the time i got out, i was able to put on three pumps of lotion PER APPENDAGE (appendages, in this case, being defined as 1/2 of a leg, or a whole arm) and have it all absorbed. that was at 6 pm. then, at bedtime (11 pm ish), my face was dry AGAIN so i slathered it with ridiculously greasy feeling moisturizer (my other skin was dry again too, but i was too tired to care). and then when i woke up this morning, there was a little dry patch of flaky skin on my cheek, just saying hey! i know you slathered the lotion on last night but really, it did NO GOOD AT ALL. and for some reason my temple is somewhat red and dry feeling. not sure why. i wish it would warm up a little, or get humid. my skin needs it. plus, enough snow would mean i could skip work/school and sleep and read in my pj's.
...speaking of work, today it was FREEZING because the building people didn't turn on the heat because they thought we weren't working today. so not only did i have to work today when my friends didn't, i had to freeze my ass off the whole time i was there! (but yes, i do still really like my job and the people there).
ok. that was longer than i meant for it to be. (as is everything i say; i'm not sure why i'm still surprised by that).
Friday, January 18, 2008
oops
i accidentally clicked on the msn thing for the detroit auto show...and then, the amount of saliva in my mouth ACTUALLY INCREASED when i looked at the mazda furai concept. seriously, y'all. not actual drool, but if my mouth had been open it would have been.
ok. going to read the rest of the article now. be back soon on drool-worthiness (or rants)...
also yum, audi r8 diesel...though the black stuff on it is a little odd...unless it's carbon fiber and i just can't tell b/c the picture is far away, in which case it's all good.
EW! buick! ew!
(admittedly, it's not bad, but still. ew. buick.) and it looks like they're trying to make it look like a Z, at least from the angle of the photo.
ford verve, some other stuff. ho hum.
hmm...mitsubishi RA concept looks interesting. if it's light enough it might give my car a run for its money. plus it looks awesome and has REALLY COOL DOORS. it would be even cooler if it were guaranteed to be reliable...
and that is all.
ok. going to read the rest of the article now. be back soon on drool-worthiness (or rants)...
also yum, audi r8 diesel...though the black stuff on it is a little odd...unless it's carbon fiber and i just can't tell b/c the picture is far away, in which case it's all good.
EW! buick! ew!
(admittedly, it's not bad, but still. ew. buick.) and it looks like they're trying to make it look like a Z, at least from the angle of the photo.
ford verve, some other stuff. ho hum.
hmm...mitsubishi RA concept looks interesting. if it's light enough it might give my car a run for its money. plus it looks awesome and has REALLY COOL DOORS. it would be even cooler if it were guaranteed to be reliable...
and that is all.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
oh yeah
it makes me smile when i find out people are reading my blog, even though it will never have finesse and i will never take the time to actually make it relevant to anything other than my own life and brain, and it's really just to calm my thoughts a little.
but...hey! hey out there, people! :)
but...hey! hey out there, people! :)
uh oh
ummmm......not sure if the first few drop-in fitness classes are going to be good...cause i get all, "well if that skinny bitch can do this, then bigod so can i!" and then the next day i can't walk. and i'm afraid that's what happened today. we'll find out in the AM when i either can or can't walk anymore. but! i feel more fit already! (grimace-y smile with gritted teeth)
oh well. eventually it won't hurt as much. the first two weeks are always killer.
oh well. eventually it won't hurt as much. the first two weeks are always killer.
current song that's on repeat
Bus ride
Then i'm across town
I take my seat
And watch the streets go by
Traffic lights
Then a left hand turn
I'm almost to the street where you live on
Can i take you home...to my house
Can i take you home...to my house
Next block
That is my stop
I close my eyes visualize the day
Three steps
Two knocks on your door
The doorknob turns
My stomach burns to say
Can i take you home...to my house
Can i take you home...to my house
There's no wall
There's no ceiling shadow
I can finally show you
Without a chair without a door or window
To climb through
Can i take you home...to my house
Can i take you home...to my house
Can i take you home...to my house
Can i take you home
Can i take you home
Can i take you home...to my house
Then i'm across town
I take my seat
And watch the streets go by
Traffic lights
Then a left hand turn
I'm almost to the street where you live on
Can i take you home...to my house
Can i take you home...to my house
Next block
That is my stop
I close my eyes visualize the day
Three steps
Two knocks on your door
The doorknob turns
My stomach burns to say
Can i take you home...to my house
Can i take you home...to my house
There's no wall
There's no ceiling shadow
I can finally show you
Without a chair without a door or window
To climb through
Can i take you home...to my house
Can i take you home...to my house
Can i take you home...to my house
Can i take you home
Can i take you home
Can i take you home...to my house
Monday, January 14, 2008
and they wonder why...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
serves them right for having decoys in the first place. all it does is make paranoid people in the fast lane slam on their brakes and/or go ten miles UNDER the speed limit and cause wrecks anyway.
ARE YOU READING THIS, DOUGLASVILLE, GA, COPS?? BECAUSE YOU SHOULD BE.
decoy cop cars = stupid
decoy cop cars with dummies = even stupider
decoy cop cars whose windows get broken and dummies stolen = PRICELESS.
oh, and also? i don't think BREAKING A WINDOW is DISABLING the cop car. just a thought. it can still move.
serves them right for having decoys in the first place. all it does is make paranoid people in the fast lane slam on their brakes and/or go ten miles UNDER the speed limit and cause wrecks anyway.
ARE YOU READING THIS, DOUGLASVILLE, GA, COPS?? BECAUSE YOU SHOULD BE.
decoy cop cars = stupid
decoy cop cars with dummies = even stupider
decoy cop cars whose windows get broken and dummies stolen = PRICELESS.
oh, and also? i don't think BREAKING A WINDOW is DISABLING the cop car. just a thought. it can still move.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
grin, et al.
i had a GREAT weekend. :)
we had to go try on bridesmaid dresses for lindsey's wedding...it went ok. she picked one out that we all look decent in.
HOWEVER, upon realizing that i am the largest person in that wedding (and NOT BEING OK WITH THAT) i have decided that i am definitely going to start exercising again. if this isn't fate slapping me in the face and being like, "hey! get fit!" i'm not sure what is. i really miss being eighteen and able to eat an entire large pizza on a regular basis and not get any larger. sigh.
on another, more serious note, jennifer and i were talking (over some glasses of red wine) last night and APPARENTLY it is possible for (normal?) people to be sitting there all cool and stuff, and NOT THINKING ANYTHING. nothing. in their brains.
NOTHING.
being thought in the brain.
um, what? first of all, i have NEVER achieved that state. ever. except maybe that one time when i was really drunk....oh wait, no, not that time either. thoughts only slow down in my brain if i'm drinking, and since i don't drink very often i don't think that counts. especially since they only slow then, not stop.
secondly, i thought i was normal in that regard (we all know that i'm not normal, but i had hoped in some ways i might be...i just thought brains were like that. full of thoughts. all the time. you know?)
so i concluded i have to poll everyone i know and see if, indeed, their brains are simply devoid of thoughts occasionally. just be forewarned, if that ends up being the case, you people will be turning my world INSIDE OUT. lol.
also? my clutch foot still hurts a little from thursday night.
and it should be noted that our trivia group can't win regular trivia to save our lives, but give us sex, drug, rock 'n' roll, and movie trivia and we get second. ha ha.
we had to go try on bridesmaid dresses for lindsey's wedding...it went ok. she picked one out that we all look decent in.
HOWEVER, upon realizing that i am the largest person in that wedding (and NOT BEING OK WITH THAT) i have decided that i am definitely going to start exercising again. if this isn't fate slapping me in the face and being like, "hey! get fit!" i'm not sure what is. i really miss being eighteen and able to eat an entire large pizza on a regular basis and not get any larger. sigh.
on another, more serious note, jennifer and i were talking (over some glasses of red wine) last night and APPARENTLY it is possible for (normal?) people to be sitting there all cool and stuff, and NOT THINKING ANYTHING. nothing. in their brains.
NOTHING.
being thought in the brain.
um, what? first of all, i have NEVER achieved that state. ever. except maybe that one time when i was really drunk....oh wait, no, not that time either. thoughts only slow down in my brain if i'm drinking, and since i don't drink very often i don't think that counts. especially since they only slow then, not stop.
secondly, i thought i was normal in that regard (we all know that i'm not normal, but i had hoped in some ways i might be...i just thought brains were like that. full of thoughts. all the time. you know?)
so i concluded i have to poll everyone i know and see if, indeed, their brains are simply devoid of thoughts occasionally. just be forewarned, if that ends up being the case, you people will be turning my world INSIDE OUT. lol.
also? my clutch foot still hurts a little from thursday night.
and it should be noted that our trivia group can't win regular trivia to save our lives, but give us sex, drug, rock 'n' roll, and movie trivia and we get second. ha ha.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
ode to the fucker who blocked me in at sex, drug, rock 'n' roll, and music trivia tonight:
oh you...
you are a fucker
ass wipe.
bet you...
didn't think i'd make it
out of
that space
sucks for you
cause i have great friends
who are determined
and rock
it,
only took half an hour
to get...
my happy ass out of there
so what
if
my power steering
is shot
and my clutch too
(but not really--faked you ooooouuuuuuuuutttttttt) (<-long sustained high note)
i win
just on principle
and...
you get trash
from the dumpster
on your aaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssssssss (<--really long sustained middle-to-low-ish vibrato note)
the end.
my clutch foot only hurts a little.....
you are a fucker
ass wipe.
bet you...
didn't think i'd make it
out of
that space
sucks for you
cause i have great friends
who are determined
and rock
it,
only took half an hour
to get...
my happy ass out of there
so what
if
my power steering
is shot
and my clutch too
(but not really--faked you ooooouuuuuuuuutttttttt) (<-long sustained high note)
i win
just on principle
and...
you get trash
from the dumpster
on your aaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssssssss (<--really long sustained middle-to-low-ish vibrato note)
the end.
my clutch foot only hurts a little.....
today, it's raining in my head
I walk the streets of Japan till I get lost
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
With a graveyard tan carrying a cross
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like studying faces in a parking lot
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like driving backwards in the fog
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
The things that I've loved the things that I've lost
The things I've held sacred that I've dropped
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
I like gypsy moths and radio talk
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like gospel music and canned applause
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like colorful clothing in the sun
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like hammering nails and speaking in tongues
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
The things that I've loved the things that I've lost
The things I've held sacred that I've dropped
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
Bend and shape me
I love the way you are
Slow and sweetly
Like never before
Calm and sleeping
We won't stir up the past
So discreetly
We won't look back
The things that I've loved the things that I've lost
The things I've held sacred that I've dropped
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
I like throwing my voice and breaking guitars
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like playing in the sand what's mine is ours
If it doesn't remind me of anything
yeah. i've been listening to that song on repeat all day.
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
With a graveyard tan carrying a cross
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like studying faces in a parking lot
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like driving backwards in the fog
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
The things that I've loved the things that I've lost
The things I've held sacred that I've dropped
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
I like gypsy moths and radio talk
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like gospel music and canned applause
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like colorful clothing in the sun
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like hammering nails and speaking in tongues
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
The things that I've loved the things that I've lost
The things I've held sacred that I've dropped
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
Bend and shape me
I love the way you are
Slow and sweetly
Like never before
Calm and sleeping
We won't stir up the past
So discreetly
We won't look back
The things that I've loved the things that I've lost
The things I've held sacred that I've dropped
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
I like throwing my voice and breaking guitars
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like playing in the sand what's mine is ours
If it doesn't remind me of anything
yeah. i've been listening to that song on repeat all day.
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